There was a something I held onto for a long time. You may have your own version of it, so naming it might make this feel like my story instead of the thing underneath our stories. What I’ll say is this: I knew, for years, that I needed to let it go. I could explain why. I had walked through the reasons in prayer, in journals, in conversations with people I trusted. I understood surrender the way you understand a foreign language after learning it from Duolingo, technically you can speak it, but your not able to explain it. The problem with surrender is that you can talk about it indefinitely while doing the opposite. I became quite fluent in the language of letting go. Anthony DeMello has a line somewhere about how most people don’t want to wake up they want to dream about waking up. That landed pretty